Getting Back to writing
As I write this article, I've been sick for a long time. In fact, so sick that I was in
bed for months, but I'm getting well enough to get back to life. Well enough to
get back to writing. This kind of non-fiction as well as my fiction.
Every time I've taken a break from writing though, getting back to it seems
almost as hard as getting through what ever took me away from it. They say
once you learn how to ride a bike, you never forget. That doesn't mean you're
likely to go jump back on one either though.
When we take a long break from writing, I don't think we forget how to do
that either, it's the jumping back on, or the jumping back in as it may be,
that gives us the trouble.
I still know how to write and the story I was working on and the one I was
editing are both still alive in my mind, but it's like they are on life-support.
Getting them breathing again, getting me writing again, might take a little CPR
and a lot of effort on my part.
Having been through this before, I know there comes a point where you just
have to stop putting it off, set a date and jump in. I started Monday. It
was supposed to be Monday morning, but I had some really important things I
had to handle first. Like, well, there was these dirty clothes in the bathroom,
and I found grime in the kitchen sink. Oh, and Monday's are good days to pay
the bills, and who wants to start writing when you have a backlog of mail in the
in box. Then the dogs did kind of need a bath, and there was....
See, all very important things that couldn't be put off. Right?
Finally I took hold of myself, forced my butt into the computer chair, fought with
my hand to keep it from opening up my e-mail program, and made it open the file
that held my incomplete manuscript instead -- and then stared at it for a good
fifteen minutes as my brain rebelled and other things tried to call me away.
After that, I began by reading over the last chapter I had written. Funny how I
recalled some of it so well and wondered if someone else had written other parts
of it while I had been away. I had to resist the urge to go back to page one and
read the whole story away. I need to do that I'm sure, but I needed to write first.
In the end, before I closed the file, I wrote two pages. Yes, two pages, that's it.
Those were two very hard pages to write. It felt like trying to get ice out of a
cactus.
The next day, I found more non-writing things to do, even after I had done the
things that really did have to be done. I also didn't feel very well on top of it, but
I opened that manuscript a little sooner than the first day, and I did two pages
again. The last half a page was a real push. I had wanted to go up a page and do
three, but I knew when it was time to call it a day and let myself be satisfied
with what I had accomplished. The next day, before noon, I'd already done my
two pages, hoped for three again, but didn't make it again. Thought I might try
again later in the day, but didn't get a chance.
Over the next couple of weeks, I was pretty happy with the amount of writing I
managed. I did only get four days in on one of those weeks, instead of the five
days a week I had set as my goal. I had family come in from out of state to spend
a few days with us, and it was a holiday weekend, and hubby's birthday, ect...
So, all in all, I think I did pretty well.
I've decided I'm not going to be hard on myself when something big or important
comes up and I miss what should have been a writing day. The same for when I
get less pages done in a day than I think I should have. After all, this is life, and
my writing and life have to merge together. That means there will hopefully be
weeks when I write more than the five days and there will be times when I do a
lot more pages in one day than I would expect that I could. It's going to be a
good mixture that will give me a good end result.
Another thing I keep reminding myself is, that for now, I'm in training. At least
that's the way I look at it. My husband runs marathons. The full ones. You
know, the 26.2 mile ones! (Bless his crazy little heart.) He trains for weeks
before one. When he starts out, he doesn't run 26.2 miles, or even 13 miles, or
eight. He starts small and just keeps building. It's a daily thing for him.
When I first got where I could get out of bed again, walking through the house
left me winded and feeling like I had been doing one of his workouts. Being up
on my feet for more than a little while left my back feeling like it would break just
from holding me up right. I didn't push myself and go outside and walk for an
hour...although I used to walk at least an hour five days a week. I just kept
walking around the house, standing longer, sitting longer. Slow day after slow
day. Now I can walk for thirty minutes or more before I start wearing down. I can
stand up for an hour and half or longer before my back screams enough. I got
here, and will get further, by taking it easy on myself, going at my own speed,
and getting back to what once was my normal, at a comfortable pace for my body.
I'm handling my writing the same way. Right now my goal is to write at least
five days a week. Even if it's only two pages, or even if it's less. I'll keep building,
letting my writing muscles get stronger, and one day I'll be back to where I was.
I've never been one of those writers who can put out twenty pages a day, but on
good days I used to be able to pull ten or so. I will again, if I hang in there and
don't give up.
By the way, friends have asked me why I don't just give up. If it's that hard to
get back to it, then why not just call it a day and move on to something else? I've
asked myself that before. Okay, I've screamed that at myself a lot of times.
This is not by far my first long spell away from writing. I didn't write for over a
year after I lost my mother from cancer, for long months after my father died, for
months again after we recovered from hurricane Katrina. One time I just found
myself depressed with all of the rejections and with all the wasted time I had
put into my novel writing and gotten no where with it. Another time I gave up my
fiction writing to do freelance non-fiction for a few years so I could help pay the
bills. When I started the freelance work, I thought I could do both, but I was so
drained by the time I finished my deadline and turned in my work each week,
there just was no writing left in me for my fiction.
So, if I've had to fight so many times to get back to my fiction, why keep fighting?
I wish I knew. I've tried to walk away from it a number of times. I really have.
The same thing happens every time though.
Once the bad gets better and I start getting over that black spell of time,
whatever it may be, the characters in my stories won't stay out of my head. I
think about my storylines, about my characters, I plot things out, build in more
conflict, map out whole scenes in my mind. Openings for new stories pop into my
thoughts, new characters show up and whisper something like, "Do you want to
know why I fell in love with him?" or "I'll survive just to get my revenge." or
something other intriguing line. The next thing I know, even if I'm not writing,
it's taking up such a big part of my life, that there's just no way to completely
give it up.
That means the choice becomes either keeping these stories growing only in
my mind, or sitting back down at the computer, opening up Word, and getting
on with it. It's like one part of me fights getting back to it, but another part
fights just as hard to get back to it, and I'm just caught in the middle and finally
have to give in and go with the stronger part--that writer in me that won't say
die. (Wonder if there's a 12-step program out there for it?)
So, here I go again!
If you've got that stronger writer part in you, and you can't get away from it even
when you try your best. Maybe it's time you give in and start back. Answer that
character that won't leave you alone, that story that keeps plotting itself out
even as you try to block it. If I'm brave enough to give it another go for the
I-don't-know-how-manyth time, I know you are. All we have to do is take one
step at a time...or just write one word at a time. One day at a time. The story you
finish this go around might be the one that helps you reach whatever your goal
as a writer is.
I Wish You Luck! I Wish Us Luck! (Smile)
Charlotte Dillon ~ www.charlottedillon.com
bed for months, but I'm getting well enough to get back to life. Well enough to
get back to writing. This kind of non-fiction as well as my fiction.
Every time I've taken a break from writing though, getting back to it seems
almost as hard as getting through what ever took me away from it. They say
once you learn how to ride a bike, you never forget. That doesn't mean you're
likely to go jump back on one either though.
When we take a long break from writing, I don't think we forget how to do
that either, it's the jumping back on, or the jumping back in as it may be,
that gives us the trouble.
I still know how to write and the story I was working on and the one I was
editing are both still alive in my mind, but it's like they are on life-support.
Getting them breathing again, getting me writing again, might take a little CPR
and a lot of effort on my part.
Having been through this before, I know there comes a point where you just
have to stop putting it off, set a date and jump in. I started Monday. It
was supposed to be Monday morning, but I had some really important things I
had to handle first. Like, well, there was these dirty clothes in the bathroom,
and I found grime in the kitchen sink. Oh, and Monday's are good days to pay
the bills, and who wants to start writing when you have a backlog of mail in the
in box. Then the dogs did kind of need a bath, and there was....
See, all very important things that couldn't be put off. Right?
Finally I took hold of myself, forced my butt into the computer chair, fought with
my hand to keep it from opening up my e-mail program, and made it open the file
that held my incomplete manuscript instead -- and then stared at it for a good
fifteen minutes as my brain rebelled and other things tried to call me away.
After that, I began by reading over the last chapter I had written. Funny how I
recalled some of it so well and wondered if someone else had written other parts
of it while I had been away. I had to resist the urge to go back to page one and
read the whole story away. I need to do that I'm sure, but I needed to write first.
In the end, before I closed the file, I wrote two pages. Yes, two pages, that's it.
Those were two very hard pages to write. It felt like trying to get ice out of a
cactus.
The next day, I found more non-writing things to do, even after I had done the
things that really did have to be done. I also didn't feel very well on top of it, but
I opened that manuscript a little sooner than the first day, and I did two pages
again. The last half a page was a real push. I had wanted to go up a page and do
three, but I knew when it was time to call it a day and let myself be satisfied
with what I had accomplished. The next day, before noon, I'd already done my
two pages, hoped for three again, but didn't make it again. Thought I might try
again later in the day, but didn't get a chance.
Over the next couple of weeks, I was pretty happy with the amount of writing I
managed. I did only get four days in on one of those weeks, instead of the five
days a week I had set as my goal. I had family come in from out of state to spend
a few days with us, and it was a holiday weekend, and hubby's birthday, ect...
So, all in all, I think I did pretty well.
I've decided I'm not going to be hard on myself when something big or important
comes up and I miss what should have been a writing day. The same for when I
get less pages done in a day than I think I should have. After all, this is life, and
my writing and life have to merge together. That means there will hopefully be
weeks when I write more than the five days and there will be times when I do a
lot more pages in one day than I would expect that I could. It's going to be a
good mixture that will give me a good end result.
Another thing I keep reminding myself is, that for now, I'm in training. At least
that's the way I look at it. My husband runs marathons. The full ones. You
know, the 26.2 mile ones! (Bless his crazy little heart.) He trains for weeks
before one. When he starts out, he doesn't run 26.2 miles, or even 13 miles, or
eight. He starts small and just keeps building. It's a daily thing for him.
When I first got where I could get out of bed again, walking through the house
left me winded and feeling like I had been doing one of his workouts. Being up
on my feet for more than a little while left my back feeling like it would break just
from holding me up right. I didn't push myself and go outside and walk for an
hour...although I used to walk at least an hour five days a week. I just kept
walking around the house, standing longer, sitting longer. Slow day after slow
day. Now I can walk for thirty minutes or more before I start wearing down. I can
stand up for an hour and half or longer before my back screams enough. I got
here, and will get further, by taking it easy on myself, going at my own speed,
and getting back to what once was my normal, at a comfortable pace for my body.
I'm handling my writing the same way. Right now my goal is to write at least
five days a week. Even if it's only two pages, or even if it's less. I'll keep building,
letting my writing muscles get stronger, and one day I'll be back to where I was.
I've never been one of those writers who can put out twenty pages a day, but on
good days I used to be able to pull ten or so. I will again, if I hang in there and
don't give up.
By the way, friends have asked me why I don't just give up. If it's that hard to
get back to it, then why not just call it a day and move on to something else? I've
asked myself that before. Okay, I've screamed that at myself a lot of times.
This is not by far my first long spell away from writing. I didn't write for over a
year after I lost my mother from cancer, for long months after my father died, for
months again after we recovered from hurricane Katrina. One time I just found
myself depressed with all of the rejections and with all the wasted time I had
put into my novel writing and gotten no where with it. Another time I gave up my
fiction writing to do freelance non-fiction for a few years so I could help pay the
bills. When I started the freelance work, I thought I could do both, but I was so
drained by the time I finished my deadline and turned in my work each week,
there just was no writing left in me for my fiction.
So, if I've had to fight so many times to get back to my fiction, why keep fighting?
I wish I knew. I've tried to walk away from it a number of times. I really have.
The same thing happens every time though.
Once the bad gets better and I start getting over that black spell of time,
whatever it may be, the characters in my stories won't stay out of my head. I
think about my storylines, about my characters, I plot things out, build in more
conflict, map out whole scenes in my mind. Openings for new stories pop into my
thoughts, new characters show up and whisper something like, "Do you want to
know why I fell in love with him?" or "I'll survive just to get my revenge." or
something other intriguing line. The next thing I know, even if I'm not writing,
it's taking up such a big part of my life, that there's just no way to completely
give it up.
That means the choice becomes either keeping these stories growing only in
my mind, or sitting back down at the computer, opening up Word, and getting
on with it. It's like one part of me fights getting back to it, but another part
fights just as hard to get back to it, and I'm just caught in the middle and finally
have to give in and go with the stronger part--that writer in me that won't say
die. (Wonder if there's a 12-step program out there for it?)
So, here I go again!
If you've got that stronger writer part in you, and you can't get away from it even
when you try your best. Maybe it's time you give in and start back. Answer that
character that won't leave you alone, that story that keeps plotting itself out
even as you try to block it. If I'm brave enough to give it another go for the
I-don't-know-how-manyth time, I know you are. All we have to do is take one
step at a time...or just write one word at a time. One day at a time. The story you
finish this go around might be the one that helps you reach whatever your goal
as a writer is.
I Wish You Luck! I Wish Us Luck! (Smile)
Charlotte Dillon ~ www.charlottedillon.com
Copyrighted in 2008 by Charlotte Dillon
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This article, and all of my articles, may be used for free in a free
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homepage' is given. You may not include my articles in an e-book
without asking unless it's a free e-book and my name and link are
included. You may not charge in any way for others to read or reach
these articles. They may not be used in any way for profit, like in a
workshop, class, site where people have to pay for a membership, ect...
If you find my articles being used in any way that isn't free and open
and including my name and link, please report the situation to me so it
can be handled. If you are unsure if your use will fall under what is
allowed, please contact me and ask. Thanks!
newsletter or on a free website as long as 'my name and a link to my
homepage' is given. You may not include my articles in an e-book
without asking unless it's a free e-book and my name and link are
included. You may not charge in any way for others to read or reach
these articles. They may not be used in any way for profit, like in a
workshop, class, site where people have to pay for a membership, ect...
If you find my articles being used in any way that isn't free and open
and including my name and link, please report the situation to me so it
can be handled. If you are unsure if your use will fall under what is
allowed, please contact me and ask. Thanks!